Please No Flash Photography
by sincethelastday
Summary: What would it be like to visit the world of Death Note as if it was a popular tourist destination? With Matsuda as your tour guide, explore the different locations and meet the diverse range of citizens that reside in the land of Death Note.
1. Rules and Regulations

_**Disclaimer:**_** I do not own Death Note.**

**A/N: I decided to write this because I do not have much experience writing humour or light hearted stories and, so, I wanted the practice. I recently posted a story that is more serious and dramatic in nature, so I wanted to tinker with something that wasn't near as serious. Hence this came about! Plus, I hope writing this will give me some good practice of writing different Death Note characters.**

**Last, but definitely not least, I wanted to dedicate this to and thank oursolemnhour49 who got me thinking about this idea and whose creativity has definitely influenced me. If you have the time, I would definitely check out her stories!**

**Enough with the rambling...I hope you enjoy!**

**...**

"Please No Flash Photography"

_Rules and Regulations_

**...**

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! It is my great pleasure, as a representative of Ohba & Obata Tourism, to welcome you to this land of mystery and intrigue, this region where impossible things become possible, this nation inhabited by detectives and Gods of Death alike, the marvellous world of...Death Note!

"Now, I can see in the crowd quite a few newcomers to our homeland. I extend a very warm welcome to our guests who are visiting for the first time! I also salute all of our returning guests who just can't get enough of our home and all that it has to offer! Back in December 2003, the month and year of our confederation, our great and inspirational founders encouraged people from all across the globe to visit our diverse and unique nation. In fact, that was one of their main goals and visions as founders: To increase tourism rates and to educate people about our homeland. And thanks to you all, our tourism rates have soared since the very beginning.

"With our little history lesson over, I would like to formally introduce myself.

"My name is Touta Matsuda, but, Matsuda is just fine! Or, if you would prefer, Matsui or Matsu; I am a man who goes by many names, ha ha! I will be your formal tour guide during your stay with us in Death Note. If you have any questions or concerns during your stay, please don't hesitate to ask me and I will be more than happy to answer!

"Before we embark on our first day of sightseeing, there are a few rules and regulations that I am obligated to inform you about.

"First of all, please do not give your names out to anyone. This is one of our strictest policies and we advise you, for the sake of your health, to create a nickname (or codename, since that sounds so much cooler) for yourself, and to use this name at all times during your visit with us. Now, I know this may sound quite odd at the present moment, but I assure you that the reason for this procedure will become apparent quite soon during our tour. Now, you may be wondering why I just gave you _my_ name, but not to worry, since the citizens of Death Note already know my name, so there's no harm telling you. Well, not all of the citizens know my true name for certain reasons, but I have codenames that I use instead. Uh, which I also told you. Um, yeah, hmm. Is this going to complicate things? How about I'll tell you before we visit each attraction what name you should call me by, okay? Some places we visit you can call me by Matsuda and other places you can call me by Matsui and – yeah, I'm sure you get the picture, right? Bottom line, don't use your real name during your stay here.

"Speaking of getting the picture, we ask you at Ohba & Obata Tourism to please take no flash photography. There are certain citizens of Death Note who have quite a low attention span (I'm not speaking of myself of course, heh heh), and flash photography can be quite distracting to them. We have had a few incidents (very minor of course, heh heh) with tourists and one of our citizens. This particular citizen thought the tourists were stalking her because they were taking pictures of her and it took some time before we resolved the issue, resulting in shorter timeslots for the other attractions. Therefore, I encourage you to refrain from taking flash photography. In fact, there are some destinations on our tour where photography of any kind is prohibited for security and confidentiality reasons, but I will inform you of these areas well in advance. And I beg you to not break this rule in those particular areas, since you may find yourself under surveillance or confinement if you break this rule. Not to darken the mood or anything, ha ha, yeah, moving on!

"As I'm sure you're all aware, Death Note is a very multicultural society. Our citizens come from various different cultural backgrounds and then there are some inhabitants who are of a completely different species all together. I am, of course, referring to the Shinigamis. We ask that all of our guests show respect towards our Death God friends and to refrain from making any deals with them. Um, yes. Anyways, I encourage you to interact freely with the Shinigamis during our trip. I'm sure they will be happy to answer your questions. Then again, they may not give you the correct answer or any answer at all, but it's worth trying, right? Oh, and we have found that apples and chocolate are very well-accepted gifts with certain Shinigamis, in case you want to thank them for their hospitality.

"Finally, please do not stray from the group. The world of Death Note contains many locations and many different inhabitants. Some locations are more than what they appear to be and many inhabitants contain secrets that can change the flow of our whole world if revealed. For example, a hotel room that serves as a secret investigation base, and a young insomniac who is actually the world's great – uh, but that's all I can say for now. Overall, it is best to stay with your tour guide who knows about these things, in order to not get lost and to get the most out of your experience while visiting.

"So there you have it! Those are the basic rules for our tour! We will take a short break before we begin our sightseeing. If any of you are still looking for a hotel to stay in during your visit, I can recommend some excellent hotels that I've stayed in (and believe me, I've stayed in quite a few, so I have quite the stack of knowledge on which ones are first-rate in accommodation). Apart from that, please enjoy your break and I look forward to being your tour guide!"

RING!

"Oh, that's my cell phone! Hello? Oh, Ryu – what's that? Yes, I just finished and told them about the break...huh? Oh, yeah, sure! Right away, Ryu – uh, I mean, uh...I'll be there right away with your coffee! Yes, I told them about the photography...yes, they know not to take photos in certain areas...yes I did warn them about the surveillance and confinement...yes, yes. Okay...I'll – yes, I know extra sugar...extra sugar done your way, yes...okay, see you soon!

"Ha ha, just one of my, uh, colleagues. I have to see him for a second, but I'll definitely be back when the tour's scheduled! So, see you all in 15 minutes when the first tour will begin!

"Now, where's the nearest coffee shop around here?"

**...**

**A/N: Hoped you enjoyed! **


	2. Office Rage and Paperclip Artistry

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.**_

**A/N: So, here's the first instalment. Please let me know what you think of the format I've written it in and any suggestions or requests that you may have. All thoughts welcomed!**

**...**

Office Rage and Paperclip Artistry

"I'm back and excited as ever to get this tour started! Fortunately, our first destination for today is not too far away! During our trip there I have provided you all with a simple-to-read guidebook that has a bunch of facts about Death Note. I encourage you to read the section called "The Kira Case – Preliminary Investigation." I assure you that the information you read in there will be helpful to know once we arrive at our destination. So, if there are no questions, would you all please single file onto the bus and away we'll go!"

**Fifteen Minutes Later**

_Setting:_ _Wide, open office space. Desks are positioned in rows across the room. A white board covers the wall across the room. Shelves surround the other walls. The room is illuminated by fluorescent lights and lacks any bright colours. It is standard office space. Three men sit at their individual desks. Matsuda and party enter..._

"Hey guys? I brought visitors!"

"What are you talking about, Matsuda?"

"Just a second, Aizawa...(You can all come in. There's enough room for everyone.)Team, I would like to introduce you to -"

"Who are all of these people?"

"It's okay, Ukita, they were all cleared before the tour even began. The background checks on all of them were clean, so there's no worry about them being here in the office."

"Are you telling me that you're doing one of those tours again?"

"It's a great way to make some extra cash, Aizawa. You should give it a try -"

"No thank you. I already have a job. One that I do well and dedicate a considerable portion of my time doing."

"Ah, come on, Aizawa. I hand in all of my assignments on time and spend lots of time in here. Renting an apartment in this city isn't cheap, so I thought that -"

"Fine, fine. Tell it to the Chief. Just get your little tour over with as quickly as possible. Some of us are trying to work in here."

"Uh, Matsuda, are you going to attend to your 'guests?'"

"Oh! Thank you, Ukita! Sorry about that folks! I wasn't being a very hospitable host. Anyways, let me introduce you to the one and only NPA Task Force Headquarters, home to the Kira Investigation Team! These are the brave officers who have dedicated their lives to catching Kira. Well, minus the most important member of the team, our chief, but he's not-"

"Will you just get to the introductions already, Matsuda? As soon as you get it over with we can get back to work. And will you please lower your voice down; there's no need to be so loud and excited."

"Uh, sorry about that, Aizawa. Folks, this fine gentleman is Officer Aizawa Shuichi. He's really dedicated to catching Kira and always urging us to get our work done -"

"Heh, heh, don't you mean he's always urging _you_ to get your work done, Matsuda?"

"Uh, well, he motivates us all, Ukita! I mean, um. Anyways, he's usually a lot more cheerful, but he's just swamped with a lot of work, so -"

"Are you almost done?"

"Yeah, yeah, Aizawa, I'm all through with my introduction. Would you mind showing our guests here your desk?"

"Sigh, fine. If it will get you to leave faster."

"You bet! Maybe you could also tell a funny story about something that happened in the office or a cute, little anecdote -"

"Excuse me?"

"Uh, uh, never mind! Just showing your desk should be fine! So, Aizawa, take it away!"

_**Aizawa stands beside a regular office desk. Nothing out of the ordinary stands out except a picture frame.**_

"Siggghhh...I have a standard desk. Here are my pens. Here is my paper tray. Here is-"

"Oh, come on, Aizawa! You sound so bored. You've got to liven it up or else our guests won't be interested-"

"Grgh, Matsuda this is how I talk, okay? I'm not an "expert" like you on tour guiding, alright? Besides, how fascinating is an office desk? Don't these tourists have desks and offices where they come from?"

"...um-"

"Carrying on. Here is my picture frame with my family's photo inside. This is my wife, daughter, and son last spring at the park-"

"Yumi is so cute, Aizawa-"

"Ukita, it's bad enough Matsuda keeps interrupting me, so I don't need you butting in as well.

"Tch, sorry, Aizawa."

"But, yes, my daughter is adorable. Is that good enough for you, Matsuda, and for your guests?"

"T-that should be fine, Aizawa. Thank you very much! Ukita, would you like to go next? This is Ukita Hirokazu, one of the other dedicated officers here at the NPA."

_**Ukita stands beside another regular office desk. A few reports sit on top of the desk's surface.**_

"Well, I don't really have anything different from Aizawa's desk. Pens, paper, stapler-"

"Exactly. Ordinary office supplies. Nothing fascinating for a tourist to see."

"Hey, Aizawa, you had your turn to speak, now it's my turn! I do have some recent developments on the Kira case, but those are strictly confidential."

"Would you be able to give us even a little bit of insight into what type of work you do for the Kira case, Ukita? I'm sure our guests would love to know."

"Oh, nice, Matsuda. You ask Ukita about his role in the case and yet all you want from me is witty anecdotes-"

"Ignoring Aizawa, yes, I can give some insight into what I've been working on. A-hem. During the past few weeks, we have noticed a downward trend in-"

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"

"Oh, Chief, I'm so glad you're here! I can introduce you to all our guests!"

"Chief, I'm so glad you're here. Is it possible to kick Matsuda out of this office?"

"Ah, come on, Aizawa, be a good sport-"

"Matsuda, who are all these people and what are they doing in the middle of our office? Don't you know there are confidential case files lying around here, not to mention notes on the Kira case?"

"Sorry, Chief. I know it's a bit cramped in here with all these people, but I can assure you that they've all been cleared and-"

"Oh no. Don't tell me you're doing those tours again."

"He is, Chief. And he's been distracting Ukita, Mogi, and I for the past few minutes."

"I didn't really mind too much, Aizawa. I was about to give a little bit of insight on my role in the Kira case . Leaving out the confidential details of course, but-"

"I haven't even had a turn yet to show _my_ desk."

"Ah, folks, and that officer over there who just spoke is our ever resourceful Mogi Kanzo! He's-"

"Matsuda-"

"Oh! Of course! How rude of me, Chief! This is our courageous and reliable chief, Chief Yagami Soichiro! He's the greatest chief any officer could ask for and-"

"Matsuda!"

"Huh? Yes, Chief?"

"Kindly allow Mogi to display his office desk to your tourists, and then I want a word with you in my office directly afterwards."

"Oh, great idea, Chief! Our guests would LOVE to see the Chief of the NPA's private office an-"

"No, Matsuda. Your guests can remain outside in the waiting area while I have a word with you. Alone."

"Oh...uh, I see, Chief. Very well."

"I'll be in my office if any of you need me. And only if it pertains to work. I won't be showing off my desk or office supplies to anyone. Got it, Matsuda?"

"Yes, Chief. Sorry, Chief."

_*door closes shut*_

"Idiot, Matsuda."

"Sorry, Aizawa, I didn't think this was so distracting, but, um. Well, maybe we'll just cut this part of the tour short. Okay, folks? I apologize that you won't be able to hear any details from Ukita regarding the Kira case but-"

"I'm sure Ukita doesn't mind, Matsuda."

"Tch, you know I can answer for myself, Aizawa."

"Don't you get started. My nerves are already stretched far enough for one afternoon."

"Anyways, before we leave to our next attraction, this here is Mogi Kanzo, one of the other dedicated officers part of the Kira investigation. There must be something interesting about your desk that you can show us, Mogi? Right?"

_**Mogi stands beside yet another regular office desk. Except one drawer is bulging with something inside.**_

"...well-"

"No, he doesn't, Matsuda. Haven't you noticed how boring this part of your tour is? Look at your tourists. They've been yawning and eyeing the door this whole time, eager to get out of here and see something interesting. It's bad enough that we've been hunting after Kira for so long, but then you have to come in here with all of these people and make a complete mockery out of-"

"I can show you this."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Um, Mogi, what exactly is that?"

"Exactly what it looks like, Ukita. It's a dog made out of paperclips.

"..."

"..."

"...um-"

"Three paperclips to be precise. It's quite simple actually to bend paperclips to make them into something else."

"Yes, but, um, where did it come from?"

"...I made it."

"You made that, Mogi? Wow!"

"Yes, Matsuda. Making things out of paperclips helps me concentrate when we're in the middle of a serious meeting."

"Are you saying there's more?"

"Yes, Ukita. I keep them here in my bottom drawer. Would you like to see?"

**Ten Minutes Later**

_**All task force members, except Aizawa, surround Mogi and his desk. On top of the desk's surface, multiple paperclip figures stand. Mogi beams stoically in the background as the others "ooo" and "ahhh" over his figurines. Aizawa grumbles at his desk.**_

"WOW! I love this horse that you've made, Mogi! Look, Matsuda, he even bent a paperclip to form a saddle!"

"Never mind, Ukita! Look at this panda bear that he made! He even colour-coded it with the black and white paperclips!"

"...I've saved the best ones for last."

"No way! Aizawa, you have to come over here and look at these! He made little paperclip figures of the whole task force! He even glued a black pompom on top of your figure's head to give it an afro!"

"No. Thank. You. Ukita."

"You do all of this when we're in the middle of meetings, Mogi?"

"Yes, Matsuda. I can make them quite discreetly underneath my desk. It helps me to focus."

"Who would have thought that you were such an artist, Mogi! Hey! Do you think you could make some paperclip figures/animals for our guests here? I'm sure they would make great souvenirs."

"I'm sorry, Matsuda, but the chief said that I should show my office space and then get back to work. Besides, the chief wants to speak with you."

"Uh, but, we wouldn't want to disappoint our guests-"

"Heh, don't worry, Matsuda. We'll take care of your guests while you have your nice, little talk with the chief."

"Well, that's very nice of you, Ukita, but-"

"I'll make you anything you want, Matsuda, if you leave. You really shouldn't keep the chief waiting."

"Really? Well, I can't miss an opportunity like that! Thanks, Mogi! Um, can you make me one of those panda bears? Or maybe my own "Matsuda" figure? Hey, how about-"

"Yes, yes, Matsuda. Don't want to keep the chief waiting, as Mogi says, right?

"Well, yes, Ukita, but he needs to know what figure to make-"

*_door slam*_

"Finally. I thought he'd never leave. How much do I have to pay you, Mogi, to make me a "Matsuda" voo-doo doll? I think that could help me to focus and think clearly from time to time."

"Hey, what are we supposed to do with all of these people now?"

"Don't look at me. You entertain them, Ukita?"

"Why me? Aizawa, Mogi, help me out!"

"My desk was the most interesting."

"So, what? That means you don't have to help out?"

"...Exactly."

"Aizawa?"

"I'm getting a soda from the drink machine."

"Tch, real help you are. Sigh, well, all of you...people. Um, Matsuda's occupied for the moment, so if you would kindly, um, single-file out of the office to the waiting area, it would be, um, appreciated. You have just witnessed a standard NPA Task Force office space and are encouraged to never come back here again."

"Ever."

"Yeah, what Aizawa said. You would do Matsuda a real favour if you informed him of that."

"...I guess that means I won't be able to show my paperclip figures to anyone else again?"

"Dammit, Mogi! I'm out of here. And if there's so much as one tourist in that room when I come back, we're going to have one less team member when Matsuda steps out of chief's office."

"Thank you for coming, folks. Best to leave now before Aizawa comes back, or else you probably won't have a tour guide to lead you. There's a wide supply of magazines in our waiting area and a TV that airs the local news. Oh, and of course the drink machine down the hall. But I'd wait until Aizawa comes back unless you want to have a tour of the emergency room. Have a good day and-"

"Do you think Aizawa will really pay me if I make him a "Matsuda" voo-doo doll, Ukita?"

"—and stay safe."

**...**

**A/N: Please tell me what you think! I've never written a story like this before (both in format and genre), so would really appreciate the feedback! Thanks! **


	3. Reminiscing Over Tea and Teen Magazines

_**Disclaimer:**_** I do not own Death Note.**

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! Hope you enjoy! **

**...**

Reminiscing Over Tea and Teen Magazines 

"Hello folks! Uh, sorry about the wait while I was, um...discussing something with the Chief. Well, at least you all had a lot of time to explore the waiting area! It looks like some of you got refreshments from the drink machine and are busy leafing through some of the magazines we have, so that's good! Anyway, if you are all finished with your sodas and looking through the latest edition of "Japanese COP," then we can be on our way to our next destination! I know that our first destination wasn't as, um, hospitable as you probably would've liked, but I can guarantee that the next place we're off to will be very welcoming! In fact, you should be prepared to be smothered with hospitality! Our two hosts (or I should say hostesses) are always very happy to welcome guests! So, pop can recycling bin to your left and away we go! Oh, and if any of you are interested in getting a subscription to any of our magazines, just let me know on the bus (I would recommend "Tokyo Tactics" if you're looking for a real riveting police magazine!) Anyways...!

**40 Minutes Later**

_Setting:__ Pleasant, two-storied house. A spacious living room and kitchen are neatly tidied and organized. An assortment of dishes of steaming food are laid out on the kitchen table. Extra chairs have been taken from elsewhere in the house and set up nicely in the living room. A banner hangs in the front hallway that reads, "Welcome!" A middle aged woman is busy with last minute details in the kitchen. A young girl arranges multiple magazines on the coffee table in the living room. Matsuda rings the doorbell, the door bursts open, and..._

"Hiiii! Oh, look at all of the people you brought this time! We thought you weren't coming because you said you'd be here around-"

"Hello, Sayu! Uh, yeah. There was a delay at our last desti-"

"Sayu? Don't leave our guests standing on the front step."

"Oh, sorry, mom! Come in, come in! We cleaned up the entrance way so that you could all have room to remove your shoes. Oh, I almost forgot! May I take all of your jackets?"

"Thank you, Sayu! I must say it smells delicious in here! I mean, that's not to say that it doesn't always smell this good each time I bring one of my tours here-"

"Ha ha! It's okay, Matsuda! I know what you mean! Mom and I spent all day cleaning and cooking for your guests! I hope you're all hungry because we have a whole feast for you all!"

"Sayu, don't just stand in the hallway chatting, but welcome Matsuda's guests into the living room and offer some tea, dear."

"I was just about to do that, mom! Please, follow me this way."

_**Sayu motions to the chairs and couch for the guests to sit on and begins to fill each cup with steaming oolong tea.**_

"Please help yourselves to the dishes on the table. I hope everything is satisfactory to your tastes."

"It all looks delicious, Yagami-san! Let me introduce you to our two hospitable hostesses: This is Yagami Sachiko, Chief Yagami's wonderful wife. She can cook absolutely anything your heart desires. I have definitely left this house multiple times after a tour with a stomach bursting full with all the different dishes she prepares. Be sure to fill your plates up high, because I can guarantee she has more dishes sitting in the oven if you're still not satisfied."

"Oh, Matsuda, you flatter me! It's the least I could do, really."

"And this here is Yagami Sayu, the teenage daughter of Chief Yagami and Yagami Sachiko. She is an expert on all things pop culture, so all you teenagers in the crowd, if you want to study the teenage culture of Death Note, Sayu is your number one source to go to in order to find out what Death Note teens love and squeal about."

"Thanks, Matsuda! As you all can see, I've laid out the most recent issues of _Eighteen_ _Magazine_, which is a must have "tour guide" of all things teenage in the Death Note universe. Plus, I have a whole collection of Hideki Ryuga films and episodes from his weekly TV show. If you don't know who Hideki Ryuga is, then just wait and see! You'll definitely know who he is by the time you leave this house!"

"Ha, ha! Thanks, Sayu! Well, I think our guests are pretty famished, so maybe we can eat first before we begin the official tour."

"Of course! Please help yourselves! If there are any questions that any of you have while you're eating, please feel free to ask. Sayu and I will do our best."

"Actually, Yagami-san, when I told our guests where we were going on the bus, a few of them wrote down some questions that they were curious to learn about. I was wondering if you may be able to answer them during our meal. I'm, uh, trying to make up for some lost time that occurred at our last destination. Heh, heh."

"Sayu and I would be happy to answer them, Matsuda."

"Great! Here they are (If you'll just excuse me, I'm going to go fill up my plate)."

_**Matsuda gets up to fill his plate full of food, while Sachiko looks at the written question.**_

"Let's see. Oh, the first question is for me! It reads, 'Yagami Sachiko, did you always know that you wanted to marry a police officer?' Oh, my! Well, that's quite a long story!"

"Tell it, mom! I've never heard how you and dad met!"

"Well, I don't know-"

"Go on, Yagami-san! I'm sure it's very romantic and adventurous, right?"

"Well, Matsuda, it's not that extraordinary. I was studying at one of the university libraries when a bunch of disruptive male students burst in the door and started causing havoc. I had thought they wouldn't notice me sitting in the corner, but they must have sensed my displeasure with their ruckus and came over to the table I was studying at and...oh, I don't know if you want to hear this, Sayu."

"No, no, I want to hear, mom! What did they do?"

"Yeah, Yagami-san, what did they do?"

"Well, they started pestering me. Playing with my hair and throwing my books around. Some of them were trying to, um...flirt with me, I guess you could say. No one was helping me. The other students just ignored it like it wasn't happening. I was, well, I was scared."

"Oh, mom! It makes me so mad that those guys were bothering you like that!"

"It happened a long time ago, sweetheart."

"So, what happened next, Yagami-san?"

"Well, that's when your father (or Chief Yagami to you, Matsuda) entered the picture. He had just entered the library and saw instantly what was happening. He marched right over to those boys and told them to leave me alone. They ignored him, but he wouldn't take "no" for an answer. He grabbed one of them firmly (but not violently, mind you) by the shoulder and told them that if they didn't stop it, he would inform the campus security that they were committing harassment. That caught their attention. One of them instantly swung a punch at him."

"Let me guess! The Chief expertly dodged it and detained the guy!"

"...No."

"No? What happened, mom?"

"When I first met your father, dear, he didn't wear glasses. In fact, he later told me that he was stubbornly refusing to go to the optometrist. At that time, his eyesight was getting bad and he was afraid that he was going to have to get glasses. So, instead of deflecting the punch, he received a black eye. I tried to get help, but your father still ended up with multiple bruises and a split lip by the time those horrible boys stopped. After beating him up, they left. They must have still been a bit scared of getting reported."

"No way! Dad got beat up? He's never told me this story before!"

"Well, I don't think he's too proud of it, Sayu."

"Nah, the Chief has a lot to be proud of! He defended you, Yagami-san!"

"Yeah, mom! Dad was at least _trying_ to be your knight in shining armour!"

"That's nice of you both to say so. Anyways, I helped him to the campus clinic and stayed with him while he got tended to. I also thanked him for defending me. He said that he did quite a poor job of it, so he asked if I would give him another chance to prove himself to me."

"Did he go hunt down those guys, Yagami-san, and give them their just desserts?"

"No, Matsuda. He just asked me out on a date. Ha, that date was the day your father fell in love with my Katsudon and it was also the day I forced him to buy a pair of glasses. Things ran their natural course after that."

"Wow, mom! That's a great story! Even if you were more the hero than dad was, since you were the one who forced him to get glasses. If he hadn't done that, who knows how many other punches he wouldn't have dodged."

"Yeah, that was a great story! I didn't know you went to university, Yagami-san?"

"Oh, yes. I studied cultural anthropology for quite a few years. Even got my bachelors in it. Of course, I married my husband right after I graduated and shortly after that I had Light (my son, for all of you who don't know). I decided to stay at home after Light was born and soon fell in love with being a housewife and full time mother. I could get so much cooking done that way as well. Ha ha!"

"So, mom, if you had such a good time dating dad, who was studying to be a policeman, why won't you or dad ever let me date a police officer?"

"Sayu, now's not the best time to get into things like that. Not when we have guests over. Right, Matsuda?"

"Huh?"

"Right?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah! Um, onto our next question! Oh, this one is for Sayu!"

"Really? Can I see? Oh, wow...this is a hard one. 'What makes Hideki Ryuga so attractive in your eyes?' Wow. Um, well. First let's talk about his beautiful mane of golden hair! How he is able to grow his bangs without them getting in the way of his soulful, deeply penetrating hazel eyes is absolutely amazing and only something he could pull off! And then there is-"

"WH-WHAT IS THIS? WHY ARE THERE A BUNCH OF PEOPLE IN MY LIVING ROOM?"

"Dad! You're home early today!"

"Welcome home, dear. Matsuda's giving one of his tours again."

"Yes, I can see that Matsuda is giving one of his tours again, but what I want to know is why he is giving one of his tours when I strictly forbade him _no more_ tours!"

"Uh, uh, I thought you meant in the office, Chief. I assumed your house was still all clear for tours."

"What's wrong with Matsuda having a tour group here, dad? They're fun! Mom and I love doing them! We even learn stuff from them!"

"What could you possibly be learning from this, Sayu? You should be doing your homework right-"

"We learned about how you met mom."

"..."

"Dad? Are you okay? You've gone a bit pink."

"I'm sorry, dear, but they were so interested to know. It happened a long time ago and you've caught so many criminals since then, so there's no need to be embarrassed-"

"I'm not embarrassed! I just want Matsuda to leave. I've had a long day at work and did not need to come home to this!"

"S-sorry, Chief. We'll leave right away. It's getting late anyways and I'm sure my group is ready to turn in soon, so-"

"But your guests didn't get to see even one Hideki Ryuga episode! Dad, please!"

"Sayu, don't you realize that these people have TV shows and pop idols where they come from?"

"Yeah, but they probably don't have Hideki! Right? Please, dad-"

"Sayu, your father has had a long day at work, please don't aggravate him. Matsuda, it was very nice for you and your guests to visit, but perhaps it would be best if we ended our tour today."

"Yes, Yagami-san, that sounds like a good idea. It was very nice for you and Sayu to have all of us over. Sorry, Sayu, that we didn't get to see any of your videos. Maybe next time-"

"There isn't going to be a next time."

"Now, dear, next time we'll just arrange it so that Matsuda and his group come earlier on in the day. That way they'll be gone by the time you come home. Sound good?"

"Sigh, yes, fine. Now, please, Matsuda-"

"You don't have to tell me twice, Chief. We're on our way! Thanks again Yagami-san and Sayu! Oh, and, uh, thanks, Chief. I'll be in the office bright and early-"

"Matsuda-"

"I'm going, we're going! Thanks for dinner and the stories!"

_**Matsuda and company quickly put their shoes on, get their jackets, and flee through the front door.**_

"Where's the Sake?"

"Dad, are you sure you're alright? You sound like you had a really rough day? What happened?"

"I just had an irritating problem that presented itself at the office today."

"Did you get rid of it, dad?"

"I thought I did, but it showed up again. Honey, will you lock the door just in case. It may try to come back yet again."

"Wait, dad, do you mean Mats-"

"Sayu, come now. Help me clean up and leave your dad to rest."

_**Sayu begins clearing the empty dishes and starts loading the dishwasher.**_

"Sachiko?"

"Yes, dear?"

"You didn't tell them about how I..."

"How you held my hand in a death grip when the nurse was bandaging you up?"

"...Yes."

"No, dear. I didn't breathe a word about that part."

_**Sachiko kisses Soichiro's cheek and leaves to help Sayu with the dishes.**_

"Well, at least I was spared total humiliation."

**...**

**A/N: I love Soichiro and Sachiko and always wondered how they might have met. This is one possible way I could see it happening. If you have any ideas or suggestions for where you want Matsuda and company to visit next, let me know! I appreciate all feedback!**


	4. The Photogenic Pout

_**Disclaimer: **_**I do not own Death Note.**

**A/N: This tour is for blondebabe800 who suggested this idea. Hope it lives up to your expectations! Enjoy!**

**...**

The Photogenic Pout

"Gooood morning everyone! I hope everyone had a restful night and pleasant dreams! If you're still feeling tired and groggy, our first destination guide will definitely perk you up like no caffeinated beverage or sugar-high has done before! Oh, and before we head over there, please do not take any photos of our guide unless you ask her permission. She will gladly pose for you, but give her fair warning or else she may become, um...agitated. Anyways, if there are no questions, we can board the bus!

**20 Minutes Later**

_Setting:__ A medium-sized dressing room with a long vanity mirror alongside one wall. Make-up and magazines are strewn all over the vanity table. A bouquet of flowers sits in a vase on the table. A rack filled with hanging clothes lines the opposite wall. A young woman sits in front of the mirror, puckering her lips and batting her eyelashes as she examines her image with intense scrutiny. Matsuda knocks lightly on the dressing room door and –_

"MATSU! You're here and, oh, you brought soooo many cute, little tourists!"

"We've got a really great group today, Misa Misa! Ladies and gentlemen, this is the one and only Misa Amane! She's one of Japan's most talented models and actresses!

"Matsu, don't they know who Misa is?"

"Uh, well. You see, Misa Misa, they're not from around here, so they may not know that-"

"Whatever! By the end of today's shoot, they'll definitely know who Misa is!"

"You can bet on it! I think they're really excited to see you and your photo sh-"

"You told them about pictures though, right, Matsu?"

"Of course, Misa Misa. They were told to not take any photos of you unless they ask permission."

"Good. Because I wouldn't like it if they got my bad side."

"Ha ha! Misa Misa, you don't have a bad side. That's crazy!"

"Awww! That's sweet of you, Matsu. I was just finishing putting on my make-up and practicing some poses when you walked in. I have to hurry and get ready, but I could give you a little tour of my dressing room first."

"Wow! Thanks, Misa Misa! Folks, you are in for a treat! Misa Misa has never given a tour of her dressing room before, so this really is an honour!"

"First of all, Misa wanted to give all of you a copy of my latest head shot! Here, Matsu, help hand them out!"

"Oh, yeah, of course! Wow! I think this is your best head shot so far, Misa Misa!"

"Misa thinks so, too, Matsu! I autographed each one with my sparkly red gel pen, but no lipstick kisses! Misa saves her kisses, both for lips and for paper, for only one person."

"I'm sure Light appreciates that, Misa Misa. You're such a dedicated girlfriend to him. Light Yagami, the Chief's son, is the very lucky boyfriend of Misa Misa."

"Thank you, Matsu! Oohhh! Misa has to show you the bouquet of carnations that he bought me today! He said that they were good luck for my shoot today! Isn't that sweet? And they're yellow! They match Misa's hair! Hee hee!"

"They're beautiful, Misa Misa! What else could you show us in-"

"Misa Amane, you have five minutes until shooting begins."

"Oh, thank you!"

_**Dressing room door closes with a slam as the assistant leaves.**_

"Sorry, Matsu and guests, but it looks like Misa won't have any more time to show you around the dressing room. But, that's okay! Misa can give you a tour of the selection of clothes that I'll be showcasing today!"

"Sure, sure! Whatever works best for you, Misa Misa! We wouldn't want to make you late or anything."

"Oh, Matsu, you're so accommodating! Why can't the rest of the police officers be as nice as you?"

"O-oh, Misa Misa, I-I'm flattered."

"Oh, Matsu! Your face is all red! Do you need concealer? Misa has a variety of brands that I've been testing to see which one I want to represent in my next commercial. You could use-"

"That's okay, Misa Misa! We should probably head over to your wardrobe, right?"

"Right! Please, ladies and gents, please follow Misa!"

**2 Minutes Later**

_Setting:__ A small room with rows of clothes hanging from racks. Different types of clothes in various styles and colours are stored on hangers. _

"Wow, are you showcasing all of these clothes, Misa Misa?"

"Ha ha! No, silly! These clothes are for other shoots that are going on today in the other studios as well. This rack here though is reserved solely for Misa! No snooty amateur model can touch these clothes. They're only the very best!"

"So, how long does a shoot like the one today usually last?"

"Oh, it depends. How professional the photographer is, how resourceful the assistants are, how picky the editors and my manager is. Of course, the most important factor is how good the model is. And since Misa can strike any pose, look good in any style, and knows the perfect amount of seduction that the photographer wants, Misa gets a perfect score every time!"

"I guess that's why you get all of the good film offers and advertising campaigns, Misa Misa!"

"That's right, Matsu. See, Matsu and guests, there are flirty sundresses; edgy leather, laced-up pants; elegant evening gowns. Anything a girl's heart desires! Now, which outfit do they want me to wear first?"

"Miss Amane, three minutes until shooting. Your manager wants to know if you're ready."

"Oh! Tell her I'll be out very soon!"

"I guess we'll head over to the studio now, Misa Misa."

"Okay, Matsu! I'll see you all soon! Just sit back and watch the magic unfold! Hee!"

**5 Minutes Later**

_Setting:__ A modelling studio with a huge, white backdrop. Lights are set up everywhere. A photographer sets up his cameras and assistants scurry around. A table of drinks and food are set up. Misa's manager taps her foot impatiently in front of an assistant._

"Where is Misa? I thought I told you to tell her to be out here in three minutes!"

"Y-yes, I did. S-sorry that she's not here."

"Grgh. Get out of my sight!

_**Assistant runs away from manager, cowering. Manager turns to Matsuda and tourists.**_

"And who exactly are you and all of these people? Paparazzi from some tabloid magazine? Or maybe spies from another modelling company?"

"N-no! We're friends of Misa Misa! She invited us here. You see, I run a kinda tourist business and – well, you see we haven't really had a chance to visit Misa Misa a lot because of her very busy schedule and-"

"Are you some representative from a model's union arguing that Misa works too long of hours? Because if you are, I'll tell you right away that-"

"No, no! We're just friends of Misa Misa. Really. Y-you're Misa Misa's manager, right?"

"I'm not telling you anything until I get some actual proof of who you and all of these people are. And until I get that proof, you won't be in this studio as well. AND-"

"I'm reeaaaddddyyyy! Where are my props? Is this the photographer?"

"Misa! These people claim to be your friends. Are they?"

"Oh! Yes of course they are, Yosh-"

"Even if they are, they're not staying."

"Oh, please, Yoshi-"

"Oh, please, Misa Misa's manager! We'll stay out of the way and quiet the whole time. We promise. I-I promise for the whole group."

"...Fine. But only if you stay completely out of the way."

"Thanks, Yoshi! Misa will work extra hard to make up for this inconvenience. Even though I like you and your guests being here, Matsu! It's no inconvenience for Misa!"

"Thanks, Misa Misa. I guess we'll just stand over here?"

"Yep! And there are tables over there with coffee and snacks. Help yourselves! And-"

"Misa, we don't have all day and the photographer has other appointments today."

"O-oh, right, Yoshi. Misa's all ready to go!"

_**Misa poses for her first shoot. She's dressed in a flowing, colourful skirt with a summer blouse and pink flats. She poses flirtatiously with a lollipop. Her hair is done up in her signature pigtails. The photographer gives her feedback and direction, while her manager watches sternly. Matsuda watches with admiration until she comes off set to change into her next pair of clothes.**_

"Wow! Misa Misa, you're amazing on set! If we didn't have to be quiet, we'd be cheering you on!"

"Thanks, Matsu! Misa is the best at what she does! Wish I could chat, but I have to hurry off to change!"

"Sure, sure! We're looking forward to seeing your next shoot!"

_**Misa comes back minutes later in a sleek, elegan,t blue dress. Her hair is done up in a loose up-do and has little crystal pins pinning strands of her hair back. She wears white crystal jewellery on her neck and wrists. The dress reaches the ground, but silver heels peek out from underneath her dress. The photographer speaks to Misa and points over to a man standing on set who is dressed similar to a butler. Misa abruptly steps back, firmly shakes her head, and lets loose a-**_

"WHAT? Misa wasn't informed about _that_!"

"Misa, what is it now? We don't have time for drama like this."

"Yoshi, I can't do the next shoot! They want me to pose with that male model over there!"

"Yes, Misa, you've done that before. What's the problem? Hurry up, make it quick."

"But, Yoshi, they don't just want me to pose beside him. They want me to be draped across his lap while he's kissing my neck! And I haven't even mentioned where his _hands_ are supposed to be during the shot! Misa can't do that! I have a boyfriend and-"

"Misa, that model is contracted to do a _seductive_ shot with you, not a G-rated shot. You will do it."

"Yoshi, I can't do it! I refuse to be disloyal! No man will kiss me except Light."

"Misa, unless you can find another male model who will agree to pose with you in a less seductive manner, you _will_ do this shoot! I have other highly prospective models who will gladly take over from you...maybe you should keep that mind."

"Uh, uh, but Yoshi, Misa doesn't know any other male models who will be willing to-"

"...Misa? I want an answer now. You don't want me to lose my patience."

"...Yoshi, can you give me one second? Pretty please!"

"Hurry it up or else I'm bringing someone else in."

"Got it!"

_**Misa shuffles over to Matsuda who is taking full advantage of the coffee and pastries on the table at the back of the studio.**_

"Matsu?"

"Yes, Misa Misa?"

"Remember when I said that you were accommodating?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes, of course, Misa Misa! I was very flattered by your compliment."

"Oh, that's good, Matsu, because Misa has a favour to ask of you."

"Oh?"

"It's just a teensy, weensy favour that Misa knows you'll do for me because you're sooooo accommodating. And friendly. And dedicated. And-"

"Ha ha! How big is this favour, Misa Misa?"

"Oh, it's not huge or anything just...pretend to be a male model. Anyways, it's not-"

"Whoa! What? You want me to pretend to be what! B-but why?"

"Matsu, there's a chance that Misa won't have to pose seductively with that male model over there if I find another model who will agree to pose with me in a...more "tame" fashion. And you're the only model Misa can find!"

"But Misa Misa, I'm not a model! I wouldn't know what to do! I-Isn't there someone else?"

"No, there isn't! Matsu, Misa can't be disloyal to her Light! That would break my *sniff* heart and *sniff* and..."

"O-okay, Misa Misa! I-I'll do it! I mean, uh, well, I'll try. I just don't want you to become upset."

"Oh, Matsu! Thank you sooooo much! How can Misa repay you?"

"...Uh, just don't tell any of the other officers, okay?"

"Gotcha! Misa won't breathe a word about it! Yoshi! I found another model! Okay, Matsu, let's get you into wardrobe!"

"Uh, uh, wardrobe? I mean, uh, yeah, sure. Um, ladies and gentlemen, please bear with this change in the plans. We may be staying here a little bit longer than I had anticipated. Um...enjoy the...um, show."

**8 Minutes Later**

"There, Matsu! You look fabulous! Much better than that stupid male model who they wanted me to pose with."

"Um...are you sure this fits, Misa Misa? It feels a bit small."

_**Matsuda stands in the butler attire that the male model had previously been wearing. The pant legs don't even reach his ankles and the tailcoat is too tight. Matsuda's hair is slicked back with hair gel and he holds a silver platter as a prop. He looks anything but amused.**_

"Nonsense, Matsu! Now come on! We don't want to keep everyone waiting!"

"Um...*gulp,* yes, a-alright."

_**Matsuda tries to pose with Misa on set for only five minutes when-**_

"No, no, no! Your facial expression doesn't work at all! Your smile just doesn't work. And your posture is hideous! Who hired him?"

"Oh, sorry, Mr. Photographer! Matsu's, um, new to modelling."

"Sorry! Should I try another pose or stand straighter?"

"No, no, no! We will try another type of shot. Maybe a change in atmosphere will work better. Wardrobe change and set change!"

"C'mon, Matsu! We have to go change! You'll do better next time, Matsu!"

"I tried, Misa Misa. Maybe I should smile even more?"

_**Misa and Matsuda come back to the set a few minutes later. Misa wears a short, black, pencil skirt and a frilly, red blouse. Her hair is loosely held back with a pencil and she wears finely, black-rimmed glasses. Matsuda wears a sleek, black business suit with a red tie. He wears black-rimmed glasses and holds an alligator-skin briefcase. The set is that of an office building. Matsuda and Misa are only on set for two minutes when-**_

"No, no, no! It's all wrong! The smile just doesn't work! It's much too big and goofy!"

"Sorry, Mr. Photographer! Matsu's trying! Really!"

"Sigh...I'm sorry, Misa Misa, but I just don't think I can do modelling. I haven't helped you at all."

"Oh, don't look so sad, Matsu! It's alright! Come on, cheer up!"

"Wait! Don't you dare cheer up!"

"...Pardon me, Mr. Photographer? Misa couldn't hear what you said."

"I'm talking to him. Don't change your face, not even an inch!"

"...Uh, w-why?"

"That pout! It's brilliant! I know just the set for such a facial expression! Wardrobe change and set change! I think we'll finally have this shoot in the bag after this next shot!"

"Um, well, you heard the photographer, Matsu! Don't change your expression. Just keep pouting until we get back on set!"

"Um, o-okay, Misa Misa."

_**Misa and Matsuda come back on set. Misa is wearing a pair of dark blue, skinny jeans and a casual tank top. Her hair is held back by a colourful, silk hair band. She holds a dog leash in one hand. Matsuda is dressed in a pair of men's jeans and a casual summer shirt. He wears a dog's collar around his neck and is peaking through the opening of a doghouse, pouting still. Misa stands with one foot on the doghouse roof and has her finger pointing at Matsuda, reprimanding him. They are on set for a few minutes when-**_

"Fabulous! Wonderful! The camera loves that pout! It's perfect! It screams guilt and shame and – ah! Yes, keep showing me that pout! And...I...think...that's...a...WRAP!"

_**Everyone on set claps and sighs, happy that the shoot is over with after all of the drama.**_

"Mr. Photographer! How did Misa do? Did I look stern and domineering?"

"Oh, yes, you were very good, Miss Amane. But you!"

"...Um, me?"

"You mean Matsu?"

"Yes, you! That pout you were showcasing was absolutely amazing! It blew the whole shoot away! I have never seen such a dejected and disappointed pout! Truly inspiring! I was wondering if I could give you my card. I think you could make that pout your signature look!"

"Oh, well, you see, I'm not actually a model. I filled in just to do Misa Misa a favour and-"

"I seriously think you should consider modelling as a career. Or even a part-time job."

"Actually, I already have a part-time job. That's why I was here. See, I'm a tour guide part-ti-"

"You can make so much more money with modelling though and-"

"Misa Misa! Could you maybe, um, explain to the photographer here that-"

"Ha ha! Sorry, Matsu! But your guests here want to take pictures with Misa! We'll be over here if you need us. I can give you some advice about signing up with a modelling contract if you want later."

"Wait, Misa Misa! I don't want to do modelling! I just want to, uh, sighhh..."

"Ah! There's that pout again! Brilliant!"

"Ugh! No, sorry! I'm happy! See, big, goofy smile that doesn't look good on a model! See? Misa Misa!"

_**Matsuda gets swarmed by the photographer and assistants, pushing their cards and praise on him. Misa stands off to the side, enjoying taking pictures with the tourists.**_

"Misa Misa! Um, sorry, folks! We'll get out of here as soon as I, uh, can break away from this crowd. No, please, I don't model! I-I actually forgot how to pout! I can't remember! See? Misa Misa! Can you please phone a taxi or something? I need to get out of here!"

"Tsk, tsk. Misa doesn't arrange transportation. It looks like Matsu's already let the fame go to his head. Tsk tsk."

**...**

**A/N: Okay, so I couldn't find what Misa's manager's name is anywhere. Maybe it says what it is in How to Read, but I don't own it so I don't know for sure. In the anime though, it sounds like Misa says her name once and it sounds like "Yoshi." So, there we go. **

**Just a quick little tid-bit: Yellow carnations symbolize rejection and disdain. I like putting in little things like that, even if it's not too significant. **

**Hope you enjoyed and open to all feedback and suggestions for the next "tour destination."**


	5. An Unfortunate Initial

_**Disclaimer:**_ **I do not own Death Note.**

**A/N: So, finally I updated this! A combination of school, a vacation, and life in general were the reasons why this thing was updated so late. This one isn't very humorous, I've got to say, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!**

**...**

An Unfortunate Initial

"Phew! I thought I'd never get away from that crowd back at Misa's studio (although I think I lost my tie in the process of getting out of there). Now we are on our way to our next destination, which I have got to say, isn't frequented very often by tourists. However, a number of you wished to visit this particular location and to meet this particular citizen of the Death Note universe, so I will be happy to oblige. Just a quick, um, precaution before we depart. This next citizen isn't exactly, um, completely all there (in more than one way), I guess you could say. In other words, he's, um, well he's already "come and gone," if that makes any sense, yes? Um, well, you'll see when we get there. So, if we're all ready to get going, you can all board the bus and we'll be on our way. Oh, and one last thing. If you have anything sharp on you, say manicure scissors, a nail file, even a really sharp pen, please leave these things on the bus. Our next citizen isn't very, um, good around sharp objects. Heh."

**30 Minutes Later**

_Setting:__ A small, dimly lit room that resembles a makeshift filming studio. The room is quite bare, with the exception of a TV camera. The camera is directed towards a small screen that has an official looking emblem adorning it. A small desk sits in front of the screen. A young man sits behind the desk, his chin resting in the palm of his hand as he stares dully across the shadowed room. He barely notices (or cares) when Matsuda enters the room, the tourists quietly trailing behind their guide. The deafening silence creates an atmosphere of slight tension and unease. Matsuda hesitatingly breaks the silence. _

"Um, hello there. I hope we're not interrupting you from anything."

_**The young man barely glimpses at Matsuda before answering.**_

"...What's there to interrupt me from?"

"Um, yes, I see your point. Um, well, I hope you don't mind us visiting you. There are quite a few members on my tour who are interested in meeting you and, um, finding out more about you."

_**The young man seems slightly more interested as he turns slightly towards Matsuda and the tourists.**_

"Oh? They're actually interested in hearing my point of view? That's rare. Usually they don't care or only want to hear _his_ account of what happ-"

"Yes, well, this group wants to hear your perspective of, um, of what happened. And how you got to...to this place."

"Heh, how generous of them."

"Yes, um, well. They wrote out some of their questions when we were on our way here. I'll just, um, will just read them out then? Does that sound good?"

_**The young man shrugs noncommittally. Matsuda takes that as a "yes" and reads the first question, his voice wavering slightly. He is visibly uneasy.**_

"A-alright then. First question: 'Dear Mr. Tailor, what crime(s) did you commit i-in order to deserve the death penalty?'"

_**Lind L. Tailor smirks and leans back in his chair, rocking slightly.**_

"Do you enjoy your job? It's Matsuda, right?"

"Um, y-yes. I mean, yes, I enjoy being a police officer. And doing these tours."

"But sometimes you get bored, right? Doing the same things over and over again. The same paperwork over and over, the same criminals over and over. Am I right?"

"...Well, yes, I suppose sometimes it can get a bit, um, tedious."

"Exactly. Sometimes you need a challenge."

"A-a challenge?"

"Yes. For example, when I first started teaching biology at the high school where I lived, I enjoyed dissecting frogs, sheep eyeballs, and pig hearts for my students. But I soon grew weary of the same old specimens, semester after semester. I was eager for a challenge."

"..."

"So my scalpel found some new hosts to cut. Heh, some of my fellow teachers complained of students dropping out of their courses, but the increasing absences of students from my class made me quite happy. Because I knew they weren't missing due to boredom, but for...entirely different reasons."

"...Um-"

"Of course my new gross lab didn't last very long. Parents began questioning where their children had gone. The stench under my house's floorboards made it quite obvious that I was the one they were looking for. They arrested me quietly before any of the parents or townspeople could get their hands on me. Eventually they did though. When I was convicted and being led out of the courthouse, one vengeful parent decided to dole out her idea of justice and shot me square in the chest."

"...You survived it though."

"Oh, yes, I survived it alright. And here's the best part. None of the townspeople knew that I had survived. The justice system thought it would be best to keep my survival a secret. Best to let the distraught parents and the rest of the country believe that I had succumbed from my injury. Quite the cover-up, but it was the ending everyone wanted: Parent of murdered child disposes of killer. Heh, I suppose the system believes that keeping secrets from the victims is a rightful form of justice."

"N-no, the justice system, I mean, just because in this case-"

"You can defend the system all you want. Frankly, I didn't care then and I don't care now. There's nothing to care about."

"...Um-"

"Anyways, they stitched me up and threw me in a cell and rushed through all of the paperwork to get me executed as quickly as possible. I only lived on death row for a little over seven years."

"..."

"Is that the answer your visitors wanted?"

"Uh, I-I think that will do. Th-the next question is: Mr. Tailor, how did you get picked for the famous L broadcast?"

"Hmph, isn't it obvious? They needed someone who had been arrested in secret, or in other words, wasn't known to Kira. The case was never broadcasted in Japan, so it was highly unlikely that Kira would know who I was by my face or name alone. Besides, most people had forgotten who I was and what I had done. According to the public and media, I was six feet under, and had been there for quite some time. There wasn't much info on me anymore. Overall, I was their best gamble."

"Um, yes-"

"They also needed a willing prisoner on death row who would follow through with what they wanted. I was up for another challenge and facing Kira head-on sounded to be quite the undertaking. I got quite the briefing from some guy in a trench coat about what I was supposed to do and say. He promised me that I could choose how I wanted to die if I survived the whole ordeal. I told him I didn't care, as long as they buried me with all my parts intact."

"..."

"...No one was going to dissect _me_. That was my job."

"Uh, uh, yes, I see."

"And then, of course, there was the whole thing with needing someone with the right initials. Or initial, I should say."

"Oh, you mean the letter 'L?'"

"Quite the unfortunate letter. And quite the unfortunate I was being saddled with two 'L's.'"

"So, um, posing another question: Were you nervous?"

"Hmph, more like amused."

"Amused?"

"It was amusing to see how some big-shot detective was using a criminal to pose as him. Quite the match. Some people would see _his_ actions as being criminal: Using live bait, a human life (however useless some people would see it), to catch a serial killer. I'm sure he enjoyed the whole scene. Tell me, if he's the smartest, greatest detective out there, couldn't he have come up with a plan to determine Kira's location without endangering someone else's life?"

"Um, well, you see L is-"

"You don't have to defend him. I don't care. But I bet he felt immense satisfaction when he saw me cry out like that and slump across this very desk, knowing that I wasn't really him. I bet he shivered with delight knowing that Kira had just fallen for his trap. Heh, I always knew that no one would mourn for me when my time came, but I never thought that someone could benefit so much from my death."

"..."

_**Lind L. Tailor clenches his fists and his voice takes on an embittered tone.**_

"Just take this away with you when you leave, Matsuda. You and your guests. It wasn't just L's victory that day. It was mine as well. If it wasn't for me, if it wasn't for me obediently sitting in that chair, being L's sacrificial lamb, if it wasn't for me dying that afternoon, he wouldn't have caught his catch of the day. It was _me_ who made L victorious."

"..."

"...You seem quite speechless. I tend to do that to people. In more ways than one."

"Uh, yes, well, I think that's all the questions we can have for today. Thank you, um, Mr. Tailor, and um, I'm sure there's a lot of other things we could ask, but-"

"Don't flatter me. I know that my claim to fame doesn't attract people. Most people have forgotten about me. That's fine. I suppose _he's _more interesting than me."

"Uh, no, I mean, um. Well, what do you know! I think I heard the bus driver beeping his horn signalling that it's time to go! Well, it was nice speaking to you again, Mr. Tailor, and hope, um, hope you have a nice, um, a nice day (okay, ladies and gentlemen, let's get going, we don't want to keep the bus driver waiting and we still have a lot to see today)."

_**Matsuda quickly rushes everyone out the door. Lind L. Tailor leans against the desk again and smiles cheerlessly.**_

"Hmph, you have a nice eternity as well."

**...**

**A/N: I had realized that Lind L. Tailor is not listed under the character scroll down for Death Note fan fiction. I thought I would give him some attention. Let me know what you think and if you have any suggestions for the next "tour."**


	6. Q is for Quintessential

_**Disclaimer:**_** I do not own Death Note.**

**A/N: I quite enjoyed writing this chapter. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed scribbling it down.**

**...**

Q is for Quintessential

"Well, after that more, um, sombre of visits, our next destination will be a lot more cheerful! Our next guide is quite hospitable and is truly a master of many skills. I also hope you've brought your appetite, because he can bake, cook, and whip up anything that your stomach desires! This next citizen of Death Note has many tricks up his sleeves, so be prepared to be amazed at what he can accomplish! So, without further ado, we'll be on our way!"

**25 Minutes Later**

_Setting:__ A dark room filled with a wide range of monitors and screens. The images on the screens provide the only hazy light in the room. A wide desk in front of the monitors holds three large computer screens and is covered with organized piles of papers and files. Pushed in the corner of the small room is a cart filled with pastries and a coffee pot. A plush office chair sits in front of the desk. An old man turns as the mechanical doors swoosh open and stands as Matsuda and Co. enter the room._

"Welcome Matsuda and guests. You've arrived right on time."

"Oh, thank you, Watari! I'm happy that we were able to catch you while you had some free time."

"To tell you the truth, Matsuda, I never have free time. I simply multi-task all of the things I need to complete."

"Well, there you have it, folks! I told you our next guest is quite the accomplished individual. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to Mr. Quil-"

"I would appreciate, Matsuda, if you used my public name while in the company of your guests."

"Oh! Of course! Folks, let me introduce you to Watari. He helps the Kira investigation by gathering intel for us, while also supplying the task force with, um, other delicacies."

"Such as these?"

_**Watari motions to the cart piled with pastries and coffee. **_

"Ha ha! Yes, exactly. Watari is an amazing cook and baker, ladies and gentlemen. May I ask, Watari, how you find the time to make such amazing desserts while also helping out the task force?"

_**Watari cuts generous portions of cake and smoothly sets each slice on a plate. He begins to hand out plates to each tourist and to Matsuda while he speaks. **_

"Well, it takes a lot of practice, Matsuda. One must perfect the art of multi-tasking. Keeping one eye on the computer screen, while keeping the other eye on the mixing bowl. Of course, it doesn't hurt that I spent most of my childhood around bakeries."

"Oh? Were your parents bakers, Watari? Or did you just have a real sweet tooth growing up?"

"I'm afraid I must keep those details confidential, Matsuda. But let's just say that I learned the art of baking from some of the best."

_**Matsuda takes a big bite of cake. **_

"So, mphm, um, Watari, what wshould you say ish (sorry, I knowsh I shouldn't schpeak with my mouf full, but this is so good) ish your favourite dessert?"

_** Watari begins to pour cups of coffee and tea for the tourists and Matsuda without spilling a drop. **_

"The traditional British apple and blackberry crumble is a particular favourite of mine. Served with clotted cream or custard. And, of course, a steaming cup of Earl Grey is a necessary compliment to the dessert. Coffee or tea, Matsuda?"

"Oh, um, coffee please, Watari. Thank you! Would you be able to show us some of your new inventions? Watari is not only an amazing cook, but also is a talented inventor as well. In fact, he invented this belt that I'm wearing. It's quite the helpful article since it's, um, well, let's just say it's handy when in a tough situation."

_** Watari retrieves what looks like a miniature, silver coffee dispenser, but instead of a coffee bag at the top, a small bag of sugar sits at the top. An empty cup sits underneath the dispenser nozzle. **_

"This here is one of my newest inventions. I'm currently fixing some bugs with the wiring, but it should be ready to use in a couple of days."

"And what exactly is it?"

"It is a sugar dispenser. One needs only to press this button here at the top and-"

_** Watari presses the button on top of the dispenser and a tablespoon of sugar falls into the cup.**_

" – you instantly have a perfectly measured out amount of sugar in your cup. There are different levels of how much sugar you may want, ranging from one tablespoon to fifteen tablespoons. It speeds up the time of adding sugar to one's coffee or tea and, thus, gives one more time to work on the tasks that are important."

"Heh, heh, I'm sure it will be a useful and time-saving invention for a certain someone, eh, Watari?"

"Precisely, Matsuda. I am confident that it will be quite the success. And then there is this..."

_** Watari produces a standard looking, black jacket. Upon further inspection though, there is a thin pouch of fabric folded up into a square which is sewn on the back of the jacket.**_

"This here is more of an adjustment to an already existing invention. It is simply a concealed parachute which is sewn into the fabric of the jacket. The mechanisms to unfold the parachute are sewn into the sleeves of the jacket, so one needs only to pull at this little latch here at the end of the sleeve, and the parachute will open up. At the present moment, I only have a men's suit jacket equipped with the parachute, but I plan on accommodating women's jackets, winter parkas, trench coats, and even light, autumn sweaters with these parachutes."

"They sound like they could really come in handy when in an emergency up in the air, right, Watari?"

_** Watari's moustache twitches slightly as he attempts to stifle a smile. He tops up Matsuda's cup. **_

"Yes, Matsuda, and it could potentially help individuals in other sticky situations. Perhaps when they are trapped at the top of a burning building or even stuck in a very tall tree. Or perhaps when they are surrounded by unfriendly individuals that they would not like to associate with."

"...Uh, um, y-yes. Ha. Ha."

_** Watari hands the jacket to Matsuda and leans in close to whisper in Matsuda's ear. **_

"...You can have this prototype, Matsuda. It may come in handy, like you say. I can assure you it's much more effective and fail-proof than jumping blindly from a balcony."

_** Matsuda chuckles dismally and blushes with embarrassment as he shyly puts the jacket on.**_

"Oh, you really don't have to, Watari."

"I insist. It's the least I can do for a member of the Kira investigation."

"Uh, well, th-thank you, Watari. Um, well, speaking of jackets and all that, would it be possible if we could see the trench coat and hat you wear when you go out in public? You know, the classic "Watari-look."

"Very well. If your guests would like to try it on, along with the hat, they are most welcome to."

"Thank you, Watari! That's very generous of you!"

_** Watari walks over to a concealed closet and retrieves the signature trench coat and hat and hands it to the nearest tourist. While the tourists try on the trench coat and hat, Watari discreetly takes out a sewing needle and thread. **_

"Matsuda, I was wondering if I may do some alterations on your jacket. It appears to be slightly too large at the shoulders and sleeves. Do you mind?"

"Oh, well, sure, Watari. You know how to sew as well?"

"Yes, Matsuda. Sewing, knitting, crocheting, quilting. I'm quite talented at latch hook as well, if I do say so myself."

"Wow, Watari! Did some grandmother of yours teach you all that? Or did you pick it up somewhere else?"

"My apologies, Matsuda, but that is confidential information that I cannot share. Let's just say I learnt from the best."

_** Watari raises Matsuda's left arm and begins to make his adjustments. **_

"Watari, you truly are the perfect example of a "Jack of all trades," isn't he, ladies and gentlemen? Is there anything you can't do, Watari?"

"Well, I'm not quite sure about that, Matsuda. But if you don't mind if I have a cup of tea while I fix your jacket, I may be able to come up with something. Does that sound good?"

"Uh, sure, Watari. It's not like I can really leave right now anyways. Ha ha!"

_** Matsuda looks at his outstretched arms and notices that his sleeves are poked through with several sewing pins. The tourists are busy with seconds of cake that Watari has served out. Watari returns with his own cup of steaming tea. **_

"Well then, now that I have my tea, let's see if there is anything that I am not good at."

"Alright then. Um, how about swimming?"

"I once got first in the 3.8 kilometre swimming portion of the Annual Winchester Triathlon."

"What? Really? Um, well, um, what about music? Can you play an instrume-"

"Piano, harpsichord, violin, flute, and occasionally the accordion..."

"Well, um, we may be here a bit longer than I thought, folks. But, um, enjoy the pastries and coffee and tea and we'll be on our way once I figure out what, or maybe I should say _if_, Watari has a weak spot. Okay, um, how about art? Like painting-"

"Water colour, pastel, oil-"

"Okay, okay. How about river rafting?"

"Back in 1964 in British Columbia, I..."

**...**

**A/N: Yeah, Watari is just that awesome. Let me know what you think and thanks for the reviews and to those who put this story under their favourites! Always up for suggestions!**


	7. Can I Get Your Number?

_**Disclaimer:**_** I do not own Death Note.**

**...**

Can I Get Your Number?

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! I hope you all had a good rest, because our first destination is quite, um, heavy. Due to popular demand, we have included this destination in our tour, but I warn you to be cautious and prepared for, um, unusual behaviour from our next guest. In addition, I will be using one of my code names, simply because I am not, uh, comfortable giving my real name out to our next guest. Finally, this visit will be quite short, due to the time limit that is enforced upon us at our next destination. I wish we could make it longer (well, not really), but it is out of my hands. Now, if there are no questions, we'll be off!

**31 Minutes Later**

_Setting:__ A visitor centre at a maximum security prison. The room is filled with cubicle-like units that are equipped with telephones and a small table and chair. When sitting down, one can look straight ahead through a clear piece of glass into the other side of the room. Behind each portion of glass is another cubicle with a telephone and table and chair. Behind one of these windows of glass sits a heavily disfigured man. His face is terribly scarred and scabbed. Patches of skin are blistered red, while other parts are seared a charcoal black. Half of his nose appears to be missing and his lips are chapped and blistered white. His eyebrows have apparently been seared off above his dark eyes. He is mainly bald, except for some black tuffs of hair that have grown back. His hands have experienced intense third degree burns and two fingers appeared to have been amputated. He is dressed in an orange prison jump suit with his prison number, 676, printed in black letters on the front and back of his "uniform." He has a crazed look as Matsuda and Co. enter the room and sit down in front of the glass. Matsuda picks up the phone, the prisoner picks up the phone, and..._

"Um, hello there, um...do you prefer going by your full name or your initials? I'm Matsui by the way."

_**The prisoner's lips twitch into a demented looking smirk as he peers above Matsuda's head knowingly.**_

"...Whatever makes you most uncomfortable...Matsui."

"Uh, o-okay. Beyond Birthday it is then. I'm just going to put this on speaker phone for everyone to hear before we continue if that's alright?"

"..."

_**Matsuda puts the phone on speaker phone and continues to talk. He is visibly uncomfortable and struggles to make eye contact with Beyond Birthday.**_

"So, everyone, may I introduce you to Beyond Birthday, or BB. Or just B. Or Rue Ryuzaki. He goes by, ha, many names. Anyways, um, Beyond Birthday is, as I'm sure some of you know, the, um...perpetrator affiliated with the Los Angeles BB Murder Case. And now he is, um, here. In prison."

"...Not comfortable with the details, Matsui?"

"Uh, uh, well, not me, Beyond Birthday. It's more that, um, I don't know if our guests want to hear, um..."

"...What a shame."

"So, um, how's prison life?"

"...Not enough jam."

"Oh, well, I heard that you liked jam a lot so I brought you some as a, um, thank you gift for talking with us."

_**A prison guard brings two jars of jam to Beyond Birthday, whose eyes light up as he receives one jar of raspberry jam and a second jar of strawberry jam. He instantly begins devouring the contents of one of the jars with his scarred hands.**_

"So, since you've arrived here, have they been trying to get you to attend, um, rehabilitation groups or something? They do that type of stuff in prison, right?"

"...They tried to have me attend sessions with a therapist. But that only lasted one week."

"Oh? Why was that?"

_**Beyond Birthday wipes his jam covered hand on his prison jump suit. Matsuda can't help but look. Beyond Birthday notices Matsuda's perplexed look.**_

"...I'm saving some for later."

"O-oh. I see."

"...In answer to your last question, she was scared of me. All I did was make her a present."

"...A-a present?"

"...A wara ningyo doll. Modelled after her. She was very lovely. Her lips were the colour of cherry jam."

"...ah."

_**By now Beyond Birthday has gone on to his second jar of jam. Remnants of the raspberry jam are all over his scabbed lips. His jump suit is stained with jam as well. Matsuda is having a hard time speaking clearly.**_

"S-s-so, do you interact with a-any of the other inmates a-at all?"

_**Beyond Birthday licks his finger before dipping it again into the jar.**_

"...They allowed me to interact with some of the inmates when I first arrived. But not anymore...they're scared of me."

"B-because y-you made more dolls. Modelled a-a-after them?"

"...No. I rammed a toothpick down one inmate's ear. I wanted to see if I could burst his eardrum...it bled a lot. Reminded me of melted strawberry jam. It made me crave jam...I don't think he felt the same way."

"..."

"...Ha...ha-uh...ha...huh..."

_**Matsuda fiddles with his tie anxiously.**_

"So, um, if you don't mind me asking...are you still in pain? I mean, it was quite the serious fire, wasn't it?"

_**Beyond Birthday's tongue traces along the ridge of the jar, trying to get every morsel of jam left. He appears nonchalant as he answers.**_

"...It tickles."

"O-oh, okay. Well, that's, um...that's good (I guess). So, are you disappointed that it didn't work out? Your plan, I mean, to become the World's Greatest Criminal?"

_**Beyond Birthday instantly stops licking the insides of the jar and stares at Matsuda with a barely concealed predatory look. Matsuda backs away from him slightly, even though there is a pane of glass separating them.**_

"...They said I can give you a tour of my cell. Would you and your guests like to see, Matsui?"

"Oh, um, su-sure. I'm sure our guests would be interested in seeing your um...cell, Beyond Birthday."

"...Good."

**10 Minutes Later**

_Setting:__ A standard prison cell. A neatly made bed sits in one corner. A window is blocked with old newspapers, creating a stuffy, dim atmosphere. A calendar with pictures of different brands of jam hangs on the wall. The rest of the wall is covered with sketches. Each sketch consists of a number (mainly 8 or 9 digits long) rudely sketched with a black pencil crayon. Two guards stand by the entrance of the cell as Matsuda and Co. enter the cell with Beyond Birthday, who is handcuffed._

"...So, this is your, um, cell. It's, um...cozy."

_**Beyond Birthday flashes Matsuda an incredulous look.**_

"...You think so? It's rather too large for my taste."

_**Beyond Birthday drags a scrawny finger up his jump suit and licks the trace of jam off of his finger.**_

"So, what would you like explanations for?"

"Oh, um, well. Let's see. Why is there newspapers covering your window? Wouldn't you like to see outside?"

"...The view is of the prison courtyard/garden. I would rather see concrete."

"It's because the sun hurts his skin. Probably thinks the light is fire coming down to burn the rest of him up. Heh, what's left of him to burn! Ha ha!"

_**The two guards at the door laugh mockingly. Matsuda noticeably becomes uncomfortable with their humour, even if it's aimed at a serial killer. Beyond Birthday tries to laugh with them.**_

"...Ha-u...Hee-a...Ha..."

_**One of the guards shoots Beyond Birthday a disgusted look.**_

"...Freak."

"So, um, what about all of these sketches on the walls? What do they, um, mean?"

_**Beyond Birthday gazes proudly at them.**_

"...They won't mean anything to you. Or to anyone. They are my masterpieces. My ambitions. My dreams."

_**Beyond Birthday tenderly smoothes a corner down on one of the sketches, leaving a faint trail of jam behind on the paper.**_

"...My reality."

"...O-oh."

_**Beyond Birthday snaps out of his reverie and becomes slightly excited, as if he just came up with a brilliant idea.**_

"Why don't I make one for you, Matsui? Would you like that?"

"Oh, uh, sure, Beyond Birthday! That would be, uh, nice. I'm flattered, ha."

"Stand perfectly still."

_**Beyond Birthday, with his handcuffed hands, retrieves a sharpened pencil crayon and some paper from underneath his bed. He then sits on the floor and begins to sketch out different digits. He occasionally looks up at Matsuda, at the area slightly above his head, and then back down at his sketch, as if he's drawing a portrait.**_

"You know, Matsui, there are quite a few numbers here. Too many to all fit on one page."

_**Matsuda is completely baffled, but tries to cover his confusion up by good naturedly responding.**_

"Oh, is that so?"

"...Yes. Why don't we cut some of those numbers down? How does that sound to you? Are you alright with that?"

"...Oh, um. S-sure. Why not? Whatever you what, Beyond Birthday. It's your artwork. Ha ha."

_**Beyond Birthday crazily smiles and hungrily stares at Matsuda.**_

"...So glad to hear you say that...Touta Matsuda."

"Wh-wha? H-how do you know my-"

_**Before Matsuda can continue, Beyond Birthday lunges at him with the pencil crayon firmly grasped between his handcuffed hands and attempts to stab Matsuda's eye out. Matsuda trips backwards and the guards rush over to Beyond Birthday and restrain him. Beyond Birthday pants and tries to laugh. The guards get the pencil crayon from him and pin him to the bed.**_

"You and your guests should leave now, sir! He's not stable right now!"

"Oh, I'm never stable! Just like L! If L is unstable, then B's extremely unstable! If L can see, then B can see everything! It's just that simple! Just that simple, Touta Matsuda!"

"Please, sir, leave now!"

"U-u-uh, yes! Of course, well, it was – it was nice talking to you, Beyond Birthday. I hope...uh, I hope you-"

"Take the sketch as a souvenir! It's one of a kind! You'll never see that number again! It'll never come again!"

"I hope you enjoyed the jam!"

_**Matsuda and CO. scurry out of the cell. Beyond Birthday's forced, demented laugher follows them down the hall.**_

**11 Minutes Later**

_**Matsuda and Co. are now standing outside of the prison. Matsuda is visibly shaken.**_

"Well, um...yeah, there's really nothing to say. Um, that was Beyond Birthday. I hope all of you who requested we visit were, um...satisfied with that. I have to say, I think that could have gone a lot better. Run a lot smoother. Ha. Anyways, we don't want to keep our next guest waiting, so we should head off now!"

_**Matsuda realizes some of Beyond Birthday's jam rubbed off onto his suit jacket when Beyond Birthday attacked him. He stares at it as if it's a poisonous spider.**_

"I think I'll stick to peanut butter on my toast from now on."

**...**

**A/N: Just because I'm a sucker for these types of things, the number on Beyond's prison jump suit, 676, is, according to "Another Note" the number of people who have the initials B.B. You knew I had to throw something like that in. **

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed (I know it wasn't very funny, but it's Beyond Birthday after all). Love to hear your thoughts and open to any suggestions!**

**Oh! And Happy Canada Day to all my fellow Canadians! **


	8. The Entertainment Emporium

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.**

**A/N: Heh. Heh. Yeah, I'm still alive. A bit worse for wear from being away from this fic for so long, but here it is nonetheless. **

**I wanted to dedicate this chapter to WhiteLadyDragon who came up with this "destination;" thanks, pal, I owe you one! : ) **

**...**

The Entertainment Emporium 

"Our next location, ladies and gentlemen, should be quite entertaining! Expect cheap entertainment, but entertainment nonetheless! Hold onto your wallets and common sense, folks, our next destination will be quite the extravaganza!

**25 Minutes Later**

_Setting:__ A TV studio clad in darkness. No one is in the studio. All is quiet. Visibility is almost nil. Matsuda and Co. blindly stumble into the studio. Matsuda scratches his head in puzzlement._

"Wh-where is everybody? I told them that I was going to be bringing a tour through here. So where is –

_**Matsuda is interrupted as bright, blinding lights suddenly flash on. Pop music blares deafening from speakers off to the sides and streamers of all different colours are released from somewhere up in the rafters. A man's face suddenly appears on the massive screen located in the centre of the studio. The man's face is pudgy and oily. Large glasses with yellow lenses surround his piggy eyes and his smile is one of exuberant scheming. He opens wide his arms, one hand clenching a bedazzled microphone, and his voice booms forth, startling Matsude and Co.**_

"Welcome, my avid audience to my domain of pure and unrated entertainment! To the birthplace of eye-popping spectacle and mind-blowing news! Where the lights are always flashing, the music is always blaring, and the ratings are always going up, up, and UP! Welcome to..."

_**The man spins around and holds his microphone up in the air in a power fist.**_

"...SAKURA TV!"

_**Sparklers burst forth from the ceiling and shower down on Matsuda and guests right before the man on the screen bursts through the curtains surrounding the TV studio stage. His arms are stretched wide, as if he's trying to encompass the whole studio, and his black mustache quivers as his lips spread wide in an almost leering grin.**_

"I am your expert host for this tour, Hitoshi Demegawa! Be prepared to be amazed! To be awestruck! To be-"

_**Suddenly Matsuda and Co. and Demegawa become doused in water as the sparklers set the fire sprinklers off. Demegawa starts swearing up a storm.**_

"Dammit! Hokkaido, I told you to turn the sprinkler system off, you asshole! You ruined my whole entrance!"

"U-u-uh, sorry, Demegawa, sir! I'll go turn them off right away!"

_**The assistant runs off and moments later the sprinklers cease. Demegawa runs a fat hand through his cropped hair and shakes himself off. He plasters his cheesy, scheming smile on again.**_

"Ha, a little rain shower can't stop me! We're going to amaze you like no other TV studio has done before, or will ever do! I guarantee that you won't leave this place with your mouths closed! My goal is for them to be wide, gapping open with amazement! (And your wallets a little less full once you step through our in-studio gift shop...heh heh).

"Sorry, what was that last part, Demegawa, sir?"

"Ah, nothing! Nothing at all, Mistuba!"

"Uh, it's Matsuda actually, Demegawa. Matsuda is my na-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever! Let's not stand here babbling away when there's money to be made – uh, I mean bewilderment to be made! The first part of our tour is the Sakura TV offices! Better grab your raincoats, my eager audience, because our team of creators – uh, I mean writers – sure brainstorm a hurricane of topics in there! Ha, ha, get it? Brainstorm, hurricane?!"

_**Nobody laughs at Demegawa's sorry attempt at a joke. Demegawa doesn't acknowledge the lack of laugher.**_

"Ha ha, I crack myself up!"

**2 Minutes Later**

_Setting:__ A small boardroom. The only pieces of furniture are simple office chairs and a medium length table. Posters of different Sakura TV programs and specials plaster the walls. A group of frazzled Sakura TV employees occupy the chairs. Papers are strewn everywhere on the table, along with multiple styrofoam cups of coffee. The employees instantly become tense and alert as Demegawa enters the room, followed closely by Matsuda and Co._

"This here is where the magic happens! The very birthplace of Sakura TV!"

"So this is where your journalists compare news stories that they've gathered throughout the week, Demegawa, sir?"

"Ha...uh, YES! This is where they compare and, um, contrast their news stories. Our very talented and top-notch, um, err – what did you call them again, Mutsida?

"Um, journalists. And it's Matsuda, Deme —"

"Journalists! Of course! And these aren't just your run-of-the-mill, um, journalists either, my captured audience! Sakura TV only hires the best, the top-of-the-heap, the cream-of-the-crop, the-richest-of-"

"Ha, ha, I think we understand, Demegawa, sir. Would it be possible to hear some of the stories they've collected?"

"I'll tell you what, Meetsuuda-"

"Matsuda."

" - I'm feeling generous today, so I'll allow you and your lovely audience to experience firsthand the brilliancy of Sakura TV's...um, what was it again?"

"Journalists?"

"HA! Yes! Journalists! If there's one thing we take pride in here at Sakura TV, it's high-quality journalistic-ism."

"You mean 'journalism,' I presume?"

"HA! That's what I said! Now, boys, show us what you've got!"

_**Instantly the room explodes with all of the employees trying to vie for Demegawa's attention by yelling out their "news stories."**_

"**Kira saves baby from burning building by killing arsonist kidnapper!"**

"**Hideki Ryuga shaves head for new movie role!"**

"**Misa Amane donates thousands of yen to endangered penguins in Antarctica!"**

"**Kira voted most desired candidate for "The Bachelor's" new season!"**

"**Donations will be gathered to update Sakura TV's logo!"**

"That one! That one just mentioned! That's a keeper! True, raw talent right there!"

"B-but that donation idea didn't even sound much like a news worthy item, Demegawa, sir. And I don't think Misa Amane is-"

"Listen, Myzuttata, this is a news station! We get word of the hot news as soon as it happens! You just wait! In a couple of days you'll be seeing Misa Misa skipping around in a parka with baby penguins – just you wait!"

"Uh, well, um-"

"Carrying on! We still have lots to see! Oh, and give that man a raise!"

_**Employee sits further up in seat and looks hopeful.**_

"R-really, Demegawa, sir? You'll give me a raise?"

"HA! What? Did I say that? The coffee is going to your brain, my good man!"

_**Demegawa pretty much shoves Matsuda and Co. out of the boardroom with his gut, leaving both the disappointed employee and other "journalists" behind.**_

**4 Minutes Later**

_Setting:__ A darkened room that is only lit by multiple TV screens lined against a wall. A half-awake employee is slumped against the wide desk in front of the TVs. Numerous programs from Sakura TV are playing. _

"This here is our fabulous station and editing room! Here we cut all of the unnecessary and boring parts from our programs and enrich them with entertainment galore! We also watch the live broadcasts from up here as well!"

"Wow! You sure have a lot of TV monitors! And a lot of TV programs based on all of the shows being displayed on the screens."

"Oh, yes, yes! Sakura TV is immensely proud to be airing over thirty programs, including five new series premiering this summer! You know what they say, the more the merrier! The bigger the better! The costlier the —"

"H-h-HEY! That program on that screen right there!"

_**Matsuda's outburst rouses the half-asleep employee and she bolts up in her chair, giving Demegawa a sheepish grin. Demegawa follows where Matsuda is pointing and grins mischievously at the image on the screen.**_

"Oh, yes! That was one of our highest-rated specials that we aired not too long ago! Ratings were off the charts! Suspense was through the roof! Financial support was pouring in -"

"Tha-that's-"

"Of course, I don't need to tell you any of that, do I? Mitsubishi?"

"I-it's Matsuda and why are you airing this program again?! It wasn't real and, and – oh, no, I hate this part!"

_**The screen shows two frosted screens propped up on the centre stage of the Sakura TV studio. Two figures are seated behind the frosted panes. The volume is relatively quiet, but it is audible enough to hear that the two figures are talking about Kira and how one of them knows who Kira is. Suddenly, one of the frosted screens crashes down and reveals Matsuda cowering in his chair. There is a commotion on screen as Sakura TV attendants frantically try to cover up Matsuda's face. It is a broadcast that Matsuda remembers all too well.**_

"Why?! Why are you showing this again, Demegawa?!"

"HA HA! Don't worry, Mztuda! This is just a tape of the broadcast that we like to watch every now and then on these screens! Brings back good memories of the excitement, the intrigue, the mystery, the INCREASE IN RATINGS!"

"Siggghhh...it doesn't bring back good memories to me."

"No good memories!? Why this very broadcast paid my weekly vacation! It was spectacular! It was TV at its ripest! If only it would happen again – uh! Um..."

"Yes, Demegawa, sir?"

_**Demegawa leers at Matsuda with a scheming smile. He rubs his hands together and chuckles lowly to himself.**_

"Mmitsuda! I just came up with a wonderful thing to show you and your entranced audience!"

"Anything besides this broadcast sounds good to me..."

"Of course, of course! Just follow me back down to the studio and prepared to be amazed!"

**10 Minutes Later**

"Demegawa! Get me out of HERE!"

"Are the cameras rolling? That scream of his could make a great opening to the broadcast!"

_**Matsuda is tied up to a chair and is seated behind a similar looking frosted screen from the broadcast he was involved in before. The brightest lights are beaming oppressively down on him and the stage. Pop music is screeching forth from the speakers. Assistants and camera men are running around, preparing for an impromptu broadcast. The tourists are sitting in the audience section of the studio, eagerly anticipating the live show. Demegawa is beaming so much his face is turning a deep red.**_

"What is this?! You told me you were going to show me a new camera that Sakura TV bought, and the next thing I knew I was strapped to this chair! What are you thinking?!"

"Just sit still and be patient! The magic of TV will begin shortly! You made me thousands once, you're going to do it again, Meetzida, with this spur-of-the-moment broadcast!"

"Wha-what!? What are you planning a-and it's Matsuda!"

"Shhhh! We're rolling!"

_**The cameras start to roll, the lights become brighter, and the music momentarily stops as Demegawa bounds onto the studio stage.**_

"My avid, delightful, fully stocked audience! Welcome to the second part of the Kira special we aired three months ago! Last time, you heard the harrowing account of a mysterious individual who claimed to know the identity of the one and only Kira! After our last broadcast was cut short, we have brought him back and he's ready to finally talk! To finally spill the beans! To finally let loose -"

"Demegawa, are you crazy?!"

"Don't you dare touch that remote control, my richly appealing audience! You won't want to miss this! Only aired on Sakura TV! (The ratings are going to go off the charts!)

"Demegawa, I-"

_**Matsuda's yells are cut short as the pop music blares forth again and Demegawa steps off the stage while a commercial break begins. Matsuda sinks further in his seat and half-cries out.**_

"Why do these things always happen to me?"

"HA HA! I love how this always happens to me! Rake in those ratings, boys! Keep 'em coming, keep 'em rooooollllling in! No one does entertainment like-"

"Tying me up in a chair is not entertainment, Demegawa-"

"SAKURA TV!"

**...**

**A/N: Man, it was getting difficult to figure out ways to screw up writing Matsuda's name. :P Hope you enjoyed and always open to new ideas for "destinations."**


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